he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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