Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
