i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
