Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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