cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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