if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
