it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
