Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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