I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
