Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
