Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
