I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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