If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
