My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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