We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
