The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
