I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
