I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
