Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
