I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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