Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
