I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
