then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
