but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
