i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
