wat bout pragnant strippers??
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
