just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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