Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
