last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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