Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
