Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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