Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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