Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
