i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
