conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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