you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
