Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
