Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
