I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
