I showed him my bush... on skype.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
