Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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