It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
