And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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