I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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