It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
