they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
