dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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