would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
