youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
