I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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