some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
