Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
